The beauty of blame-busting

In his 2001 book "Beyond Success," author Brian Biro, a former swimming coach who for the last 20 years has consulted with CEOs and other leaders, has a good section devoted to "blame busting."

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Many believe that "friendship" is simply doing nice things for others. True friendship, though, is much, much more. Often, it requires courage: asking the tough question and risking a defensive or angry reaction.

Sometimes, it means you continue to look for the qualities you respect in others despite their occasional failure to live up to their own standards.

The first step in being a true friend is "blame busting." One of the most destructive and disabling symptoms of disease within an organization or human spirit is the prevalence of blame. Like a parasite, blame latches on from the inside and begins to eat away at the spirit.

When we blame others, we give up our greatest strength -- our own sense of responsibility. True leaders seek constantly to give credit to others and to take responsibility for giving their absolute best. They are eager to step forward and be accountable for the setbacks and difficult times because they know this will stimulate their own solution orientation while easing debilitating pressure from their team. Within this mind-set, blame simply has no place.

Blame is particularly crippling because it directs our focus to the past. Its aim is to protect egos, not to build the team. Even if blame is justified, it serves no constructive purpose. When we are filled with a sincere attitude of friendship, our positive belief in others leads us continuously forward to solutions, not backward to blame. We see the potential to solve even the most difficult challenges because we focus on the possibility in our teammates instead of on the limitations.

John Wooden was known as a very disciplined coach. He set high standards of conduct for his players, both on and off the court. Yet, as the years went by, he had very few rules. If a player broke one of these regulations, he was disciplined and corrected, then welcomed back one hundred percent.

Coach Wooden held no grudges. A fresh start was not conditional; there were no probationary periods required to earn back full status. Coach Wooden's discipline was based on respect and friendship. He looked at his players the same way he looked at friends and family, holding high expectations for them and treating them accordingly, with dignity and respect.

He never lost sight of his own fallibility and consequently was able to see mistakes as temporary errors in judgment, not permanent flaws in character. Operating from this foundation in friendship, it is easy and natural to fully forgive.

Coach Wooden's players and staff reponded to his humility and trust with extraordinary unselfishness and dedication of their own. Today, many years since his retirement, a remarkable number of them keep in close touch with him. It is one of the very special rewards of being a leader who refused to blame others and who constantly demonstrated sincere friendship and respect for people.

He was indeed a world-class "blame buster."

How coaching is like the Wizard of Oz

NY Rangers coach Tom Renney, whose team started the season at 10-2-1, but has lost eight of its last nine games and sits at 30-22-6:

"I take full responsibility for where the team is right now. That's incumbent with the position," he said. "My job is to correct this, get us winning, get us feeling better about ourselves, look to be a solution. It's as simple as that. You know, coaching is an interesting art ... I think it was Jimmy Johnson who said the Tin Man needed to be yelled at and the Scarecrow needed to be kicked in the butt and [the Lion] needed to have an arm put around him or whatever."

Begging, borrowing, and stealing good ideas

On the job less than a month, new Rams head coach Steve Spagnuolo, the former defensive coordinator for the Giants, has seen how responsibilities expand in his new role.

"I'm finding out quickly that there's a lot involved in being a head coach," Spagnuolo said. "To do it right, you've got to be in there all the time. There's so many elements — free agency, the college draft, schemes, learning the building, trying to meet everybody."

Regarding his philosophy and what he'll bring to his new team, Coach Spagnuolo says he won't reinvent the wheel.

"I certainly don't think we had all the answers in New York. You beg, borrow and steal. That's all you do in the league, you steal good ideas from other people."

If you've never failed as a leader, you'll never be very successful

Came across an excellent section of the the book, "Leadership Passages: The Personal and Professional Transitions That Make or Break a Leader."

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If you've never failed as a leader, you'll never be very successful. The best, most accomplished CEOs almost always have at least one significant failure on their resume. The CEOs who fail most spectacularly... are often leaders who have never failed before.

As Richard Branson, chairman of Virgin Atlantic has said:

"The best developer of a leader is failure."

Some executives are adept at avoiding this passage. They only take jobs for which they're qualified and avoid risks in whatever jobs they hold. They "manage upward" well and are able to advance because of their competence. They can only advance so far, however, because of their lack of resiliency, adaptability, and perseverance -- all traits acquired in this passage -- precludes them for higher-level leadership positions.

Eventually, they find themselves in situations where they make serious errors in judgment because of their failure-free background.

No matter what form failure takes, it humbles and embarrasses us all. Public humiliation, whether it involves being fired, being chastised by a superior, or being grilled by the media, ridiculed by columnists, subjected to comments [online] -- these situations are not fun.

Private humiliation -- feeling as if you've let yourself and others down -- is equally tough to take. The good news is if you're open to understanding why you failed and are able to acquire new knowledge and skills from it, you'll grow as a leader.

Three "dont's" in dealing with failure:

1. Don't let failure define you as a person. Even if you've made a stupid mistake, you aren't stupid. Recognize that anyone who works long enough will experience a significant failure at least once in his career. The worst thing you can do is dwell on the failure. After acknowledging the failure and accepting responsibility, you need to let it go and move on.

2. Don't seek scapegoats. Realistically and naturally, most leaders who fail react defensively. If you respond defensively, you're likely to waste this teachable moment. If you blame your team or anyone else for the setback, you're not likely to examine your role in the failure. Resist this blaming reflex and instead absorb the blame. Blaming others discourages self-examination and the acceptance of responsibility, two critical leadership traits.

3. Don't limit your thinking to the event itself. Yes, it's important to learn from what went wrong and act differently if the same circumstances present themselves in the future. Look for broader patterns or values that you can learn from.

What are you willing to do to make sure you don't lose?

Earlier this week, the NHL's Ottawa Senators fired coach Craig Hartsburg and replaced him with 38-year-old Cory Clouston, who was coaching Ottawa's AHL team.

Coach Clouston has made it clear that a change in attitude is necessary in Ottawa, which has won only 17 of its 49 games this season:

"Everyone hates losing, but it's, 'What are you willing to do to make sure you don't lose?' I don't think they've become accustomed to (losing). I just think sometimes they're expecting the worst. Sometimes when something doesn't go right for them, they're looking around the corner for what's next, the 'poor me' syndrome, and that's one of the things that has to change. Nobody is going to do it but themselves.''

The 33 Elements of Toughnesss

ESPN's Jay Bilas, a great player at Duke in the '80s who also served as an assistant to Coach K in the early '90s, says that when he'd come up against a "a tough opponent, I wasn't worried that I would get hit -- I was concerned that I would get sealed on ball reversal by a tough post man, or that I would get boxed out on every play, or that my assignment would sprint the floor on every possession and get something easy on me. The toughest guys I had to guard were the ones who made it tough on me."

Toughness has nothing to do with size, physical strength or athleticism. Some players may be born tough, but I believe that toughness is a skill, and it is a skill that can be developed and improved. Michigan State coach Tom Izzo always says, "Players play, but tough players win."

When I was playing, the players I respected most were not the best or most talented players. The players I respected most were the toughest players. I don't remember anything about the players who talked a good game or blocked a shot and acted like a fool. I remember the players who were tough to play against.

Here are Jay's 33 elements of toughness:

1. Set a good screen: The toughest players to guard are the players who set good screens. When you set a good screen, you are improving the chances for a teammate to get open, and you are greatly improving your chances of getting open. A good screen can force the defense to make a mistake. A lazy or bad screen is a waste of everyone's time and energy.

2. Set up your cut: The toughest players make hard cuts, and set up their cuts. Basketball is about deception. Take your defender one way, and then plant the foot opposite of the direction you want to go and cut hard. A hard cut may get you a basket, but it may also get a teammate a basket. If you do not make a hard cut, you will not get anyone open. Setting up your cut, making the proper read of the defense, and making a hard cut require alertness, good conditioning and good concentration. Davidson's Stephen Curry is hardly a physical muscle-man, but he is a tough player because he is in constant motion, he changes speeds, he sets up his cuts, and he cuts hard. Curry is hard to guard, and he is a tough player.

3. Talk on defense: The toughest players talk on defense, and communicate with their teammates. It is almost impossible to talk on defense and not be in a stance, down and ready, with a vision of man and ball. If you talk, you let your teammates know you are there, and make them and yourself better defenders. It also lets your opponent know that you are fully engaged.

4. Jump to the ball: When on defense, the tough defenders move as the ball moves. The toughest players move on the flight of the ball, not when it gets to its destination. And the toughest players jump to the ball and take away the ball side of the cut. Tough players don't let cutters cut across their face -- they make the cutter change his path.

5. Don't get screened: No coach can give a player the proper footwork to get through every screen. Tough players have a sense of urgency not to get screened and to get through screens so that the cutter cannot catch the ball where he wants to. A tough player makes the catch difficult.

6. Get your hands up: A pass discouraged is just as good as a pass denied. Tough players play with their hands up to take away vision, get deflections and to discourage a pass in order to allow a teammate to cover up. Cutters and post players will get open, if only for a count. If your hands are up, you can keep the passer from seeing a momentary opening.

7. Play the ball, see your man: Most defenders see the ball and hug their man, because they are afraid to get beat. A tough defender plays the ball and sees his man. There is a difference.

8. Get on the floor: In my first road game as a freshman, there was a loose ball that I thought I could pick up and take the other way for an easy one. While I was bending over at the waist, one of my opponents dived on the floor and got possession of the ball. My coach was livid. We lost possession of the ball because I wasn't tough enough to get on the floor for it. I tried like hell never to get out-toughed like that again.

9. Close out under control: It is too easy to fly at a shooter and think you are a tough defender. A tough defender closes out under control, takes away a straight line drive and takes away the shot. A tough player has a sense of urgency but has the discipline to do it the right way.

10. Post your man, not a spot: Most post players just blindly run to the low block and get into a shoving match for a spot on the floor. The toughest post players are posting their defensive man. A tough post player is always open, and working to get the ball to the proper angle to get a post feed. Tough post players seal on ball reversal and call for the ball, and they continue to post strong even if their teammates miss them.

11. Run the floor: Tough players sprint the floor, which drags the defense and opens up things for others. Tough players run hard and get "easy" baskets, even though there is nothing easy about them. Easy baskets are hard to get. Tough players don't take tough shots -- they work hard to make them easy.

12. Play so hard, your coach has to take you out: I was a really hard worker in high school and college. But I worked and trained exceptionally hard to make playing easier. I was wrong. I once read that Bob Knight had criticized a player of his by saying, "You just want to be comfortable out there!" Well, that was me, and when I read that, it clicked with me. I needed to work to increase my capacity for work, not to make it easier to play. I needed to work in order to be more productive in my time on the floor. Tough players play so hard that their coaches have to take them out to get rest so they can put them back in. The toughest players don't pace themselves.

13. Get to your teammate first: When your teammate lays his body on the line to dive on the floor or take a charge, the tough players get to him first to help him back up. If your teammate misses a free throw, tough players get to him right away. Tough players are also great teammates.

14. Take responsibility for your teammates: Tough players expect a lot from their teammates, but they also put them first. When the bus leaves at 9 a.m., tough players not only get themselves there, but they also make sure their teammates are up and get there, too. Tough players take responsibility for others in addition to themselves. They make sure their teammates eat first, and they give credit to their teammates before taking it themselves.

15. Take a charge: Tough players are in a stance, playing the ball, and alert in coming over from the weak side and taking a charge. Tough players understand the difference between being in the right spot and being in the right spot with the intention of stopping somebody. Some players will look puzzled and say, "But I was in the right spot." Tough players know that they have to get to the right spot with the sense of urgency to stop someone.

16. Get in a stance: Tough players don't play straight up and down and put themselves in the position of having to get ready to get ready. Tough players are down in a stance on both ends of the floor, with feet staggered and ready to move. Tough players are the aggressor, and the aggressor is in a stance.

17. Finish plays: Tough players don't just get fouled, they get fouled and complete the play. They don't give up on a play or assume that a teammate will do it. A tough player plays through to the end of the play and works to finish every play.

18. Work on your pass: A tough player doesn't have his passes deflected. A tough player gets down, pivots, pass-fakes, and works to get the proper angle to pass away from the defense and deliver the ball.

19. Throw yourself into your team's defense: A tough player fills his tank on the defensive end, not on offense. A tough player is not deterred by a missed shot. A tough player values his performance first by how well he defended.

20. Take and give criticism the right way: Tough players can take criticism without feeling the need to answer back or give excuses. They are open to getting better and expect to be challenged and hear tough things. You will never again in your life have the opportunity you have now at the college level: a coaching staff that is totally and completely dedicated to making you and your team better. Tough players listen and are not afraid to say what other teammates may not want to hear, but need to hear.

21. Show strength in your body language: Tough players project confidence and security with their body language. They do not hang their heads, do not react negatively to a mistake of a teammate, and do not whine and complain to officials. Tough players project strength, and do not cause their teammates to worry about them. Tough players do their jobs, and their body language communicates that to their teammates -- and to their opponents.

22. Catch and face: Teams that press and trap are banking on the receiver's falling apart and making a mistake. When pressed, tough players set up their cuts, cut hard to an open area and present themselves as a receiver to the passer. Tough players catch, face the defense, and make the right read and play, and they do it with poise. Tough players do not just catch and dribble; they catch and face.

23. Don't get split: If you trap, a tough player gets shoulder-to-shoulder with his teammate and does not allow the handler to split the trap and gain an advantage on the back side of the trap.

24. Be alert: Tough players are not "cool." Tough players are alert and active, and tough players communicate with teammates so that they are alert, too. Tough players echo commands until everyone is on the same page. They understand the best teams play five as one. Tough players are alert in transition and get back to protect the basket and the 3-point line. Tough players don't just run back to find their man, they run back to stop the ball and protect the basket.

25. Concentrate, and encourage your teammates to concentrate: Concentration is a skill, and tough players work hard to concentrate on every play. Tough players go as hard as they can for as long as they can.

26. It's not your shot; it's our shot: Tough players don't take bad shots, and they certainly don't worry about getting "my" shots. Tough players work for good shots and understand that it is not "my" shot, it is "our" shot. Tough players celebrate when "we" score.

27. Box out and go to the glass every time: Tough players are disciplined enough to lay a body on someone. They make first contact and go after the ball. And tough players do it on every possession, not just when they feel like it. They understand defense is not complete until they secure the ball.

28. Take responsibility for your actions: Tough players make no excuses. They take responsibility for their actions. Take James Johnson for example. With 17 seconds to go in Wake's game against Duke on Wednesday, Jon Scheyer missed a 3-pointer that bounced right to Johnson.

But instead of aggressively pursuing the ball with a sense of urgency, Johnson stood there and waited for the ball to come to him. It never did. Scheyer grabbed it, called a timeout and the Blue Devils hit a game-tying shot on a possession they never should've had. Going after the loose ball is toughness -- and Johnson didn't show it on that play.

But what happened next? He re-focused, slipped a screen for the winning basket, and after the game -- when he could've been basking only in the glow of victory -- manned up to the mistake that could've cost his team the win. "That was my responsibility -- I should have had that," Johnson said of the goof. No excuses. Shouldering the responsibility. That's toughness.

29. Look your coaches and teammates in the eye: Tough players never drop their heads. They always look coaches and teammates in the eye, because if they are talking, it is important to them and to you.

30. Move on to the next play: Tough players don't waste time celebrating a good play or lamenting a bad one. They understand that basketball is too fast a game to waste time and opportunities with celebratory gestures or angry reactions. Tough players move on to the next play. They know that the most important play in any game is the next one.

31. Be hard to play against, and easy to play with: Tough players make their teammates' jobs easier, and their opponents' jobs tougher.

32. Make every game important: Tough players don't categorize opponents and games. They know that if they are playing, it is important. Tough players understand that if they want to play in championship games, they must treat every game as a championship game.

33. Make getting better every day your goal: Tough players come to work every day to get better, and keep their horizons short. They meet victory and defeat the same way: They get up the next day and go to work to be better than they were the day before. Tough players hate losing but are not shaken or deterred by a loss. Tough players enjoy winning but are never satisfied. For tough players, a championship or a trophy is not a goal; it is a destination. The goal is to get better every day.

With victory comes responsibility

Good story out of Orlando where Stan Van Gundy's team has "been good regardless of where they have played, going 17-4 at home and 17-6 on the road. They have smashed teams from the rugged Western Conference going 18-4 with first-ever season sweeps of both the Los Angeles Lakers and San Antonio Spurs."

But, as the saying goes, with victory comes responsibility.

"It's been an adjustment for us because before when we felt like we were the underdogs, we were out there trying to prove a point versus the really good teams," said [Rashard] Lewis, who hit four 3-pointers to add to his NBA-leading total of 129. "Now that we're an elite team, other teams are looking at us thinking they can make a statement by beating us. It's taught us that we have to come ready to play every night."

ORL center Dwight Howard said the team has learned from past lessons:

"We must stay humble and not get satisfied," said Howard. "I remember a couple of years ago we were the No. 1 team for a while, but we got lazy in practice and things went down from there. We've learned our lesson. To stay successful, we have to stay humble, positive and level-headed. We understand all of this stuff can be taken away at any time."

A team plays how they're coached to play

After losing by 10 to Arizona on Saturday in the Las Vegas Bowl, BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall said his team had made a number of mental errors, something for which he took full responsibility.

"Championship teams don't do that," he said. "Championship coaches don't coach a team to do that. I've never shifted responsibility to anywhere other than myself. A team plays how they're coached to play."

Nick Saban and giving players responsibility

Ivan Maisel at ESPN.com has a good story about Alabama coach Nick Saban, who has his team atop the BCS standings.

According to Maisel, "if this team fits any mold, it is not that of the great Alabama teams of yore. No, this mold is about 5-foot-8 with swept-back hair and the kind of intensity that will peel the bark off a pine tree."

Said Saban of his team, which went 7-6 last season:

"Sometimes when you give somebody a responsibility, they will do a good job with it. If you never ask it, they don't ever do it. They don't see it as a part of their role."

As Maisel writes:

The qualities revealed by the Tide's rise to No. 1 are the building blocks of any successful football team. They are preached by Saban and his staff all the time. They are old-school verities about responsibility and discipline and doing what you should be doing when no one is looking. These qualities are preached by plenty of other staffs, too. The difference is, in Tuscaloosa, the teaching went in one ear and failed to come out the other.

Dealing with close losses

Every coach will lose his share of close games. But San Diego Chargers coach Norv Turner -- a consummate professional on the field and a genuinely good guy away from it -- has had more than his share of close games.

In his 11 seasons as an NFL head coach with the Redskins, Raiders, and Chargers, Coach Turner has lost 95 games. More than half of those losses (53) have been by a touchdown or less.

Moreover, nearly 30 percent have been by a field goal or less.

In fact, in his team's last four games this season, the Chargers lost to New Orleans (37-32), beat KC (20-19), lost to Pittsburgh (11-10), and lost to Indy (23-20).

According to this article, Coach Turner "puts a lot of stock in his players, in their maturity and their ability to self-motivate. He also doesn't see the need for pregame rambling or premeditated voice-raising. He likes to treat his players as men largely capable of their own motivation."

And he doesn't shirk responsibility for his team's performance:

"I'm the head coach, and I'm responsible for what happens with the ... team. You work hard as a coach to get the most out of your players. Players work hard to get the most out of themselves. You want to put them in a position to be successful, and then you play the game.

You are what you are. There is no overall thing you can look at. Look at each game and break it down – this happened in this game and this happened in this game. You're the head coach; you've got to do it."

Loyalty becomes a challenge when things aren't going well

Several years ago, a friend sent me a copy of a book titled "The Football Coaching Bible."  The book's first chapter was written by Grant Teaff, the legendary football coach who spent 20 seasons at Baylor.

Coach Teaff's chapter was called "Responsibilities of a Coach."

He began by outlining a number of "essentials" for all coaches, including be yourself, but be willing to change; be compassionate; be accountable; be self-disciplined; be a role model; communicate; be an encourager; and be honest.

He also dedicated a section to "specific responsibilities for assistant coaches."  Among the responsibilities, his first requirement was to "Be Loyal."

Here is an excerpt from that particular section:

There is a great difference between being loyal and pretending to be loyal.  Loyalty comes from character within and being committed to serving the institution, the head coach, and the system in the capacity in which you were hired.

If you can't be loyal to an institution, a system, or a head coach, you should quietly look for a place where you can exhibit the required loyalty.

Loyalty is not a problem when you're 10-1 or win the championship.  Loyalty becomes a challenge when things are not going well and negativism abounds.   The assistant coach must guard against acts of disloyalty.

Taking responsibility for your behavior

It's no secret that coaches can sometimes get caught up in the heat of the moment. Bo Pelini is no different.

During his first season as head coach at Nebraska, Coach Pelini "has drawn unwanted attention for his tirades against officials, assistant coaches and players."

But he's vowed to correct his behavior:

"That's something I've got to fix. I understand that. I'm a highly emotional guy. I've got to be careful. There's a difference between being animated and using some words you wish you didn't use. I'm not perfect by any means, and I understand that. What I try to do is evaluate what's happening with me and try to learn from it. I've got to be smarter."

Kerr: I'm willing to pay the price

A story in yesterday's Phoenix paper claims that "if these Suns flame out, [GM Steve] Kerr will go down as the guy who messed up a good thing."

But Kerr, who was a member of five NBA championship teams as a player, isn't ducking the challenge:

"A lot of people warned me when I took the job. They said, 'There are only two places you can go. You can take the next step to the top, or the team goes down and you're the goat.' I'm aware of that. And I'd be lying if I told you that it didn't enter my mind from time to time.

I understand what's at stake. I've kind of laid myself out there in a lot of ways. It may work, it may not. I don't know. But I'm willing to accept the results. I don't expect us to be a championship team in November, and I know I'm going to take a lot of heat during the growing pains. I know I'll pay the price publicly, but I like the path this team is on, and we have to make that transition."